Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
