i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
