Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Randomize
