Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
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