I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Randomize
