i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Damn victory sex feels great
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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