I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
