i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
