i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
