my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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