Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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