Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
