shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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