Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
