You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize