It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
