Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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