The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
