Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize