To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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