We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize