where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
