He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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