i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
