Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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