Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize