It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Randomize
