I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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