The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
