and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
