If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
