Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
So many bounce houses so little time
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
