I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
