You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
