I'm lost and stupid without you.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
