mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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