Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
