dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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