it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
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