this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Randomize
