I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
