You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
