dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
