the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
