i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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