Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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