So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
