yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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