Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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