i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
