when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
