we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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