I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
