I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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