If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
