Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
