she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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