i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
