just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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