SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
