Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Houston, we have a blender
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
