no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
