he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
