There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I feel like death gave me a hand job
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
