So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
