No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
