what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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