god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Randomize
